Religious Trauma: How to Recognize and Address it in LGBT+ Folx

How religious and spiritual trauma can have a significant impact on the unique intersection of queer and military identities

The word ‘trauma’ is used often in our society, yet it can be hard to wrap our minds around exactly what that word means or if it’s just another overused social media term. Sometimes, that can be the case. However, there are countless types of trauma in our world and they are very valid experiences. By looking at specific subsets of trauma rather than treating it as one umbrella topic, we can better identify and understand our own and others’ experiences. Mental health professionals, like myself, can customize treatment plans to those who need it and raise awareness to secure preventative measures that reduce future harm to others.

Over the last five years, there has been a surge in the understanding and mention of the concept of religious and spiritual trauma within the mental health field and society at large. We have begun to better understand how religious trauma can be more complex for those who serve in the military, especially for military members who also hold a queer identity.

Understanding Religious Trauma

When I work with patients at my mental health practice, I define religious and/or spiritual trauma as adverse experiences linked to organized religion or adverse experiences linked to faith and spirituality practices or beliefs outside of organized religion.

These adverse religious experiences include anything that negatively impacts a person’s sense of safety, autonomy, and emotional/social/psychological/physical well-being. They are also more likely to be exhibited in religious or spiritual settings that follow a high-demand, high-control atmosphere or high expectations by the leadership or doctrinal order followed by its members.

One of the biggest reasons for this is that high-demand, high-control religions often encourage obedience over independent thought. This creates more opportunities for predatory or manipulative people to exert power over an individual and to potentially abuse that power.

I conducted a survey of over 800 participants about their experiences with religion, after which I created a graphic that uses concrete examples of adverse religious experiences that could create religious trauma for an individual. This is not an exhaustive list, and there are many other examples and nuanced scenarios that can create a religiously traumatic experience in an individual’s life.

How Religious Trauma Impacts the LGBTQIA+ Community

Unfortunately, the LGBTQIA2S+ population is especially susceptible to religious trauma in high-demand, high-control doctrinal settings due to a continued lack of acceptance of queer identities in many faith traditions.

Many queer folx grew up within a religion where they were repeatedly taught and told that who they were intrinsically as a person — as well as who they loved — was morally wrong. In the worst-case scenarios, they were told to change, hide, or even be ashamed of themselves.

Similar to the LGBTQIA2S+ community, service members are particularly susceptible to adverse religious experiences. That’s because some religious denominations uphold strict, hierarchical structures similar to the military. Individuals raised in doctrinal-heavy religious settings may learn early on how to succeed in high-demand, high-control organizations. The outcome could be that the person is drawn (consciously or unconsciously) to other environments where obedience is emphasized since it feels familiar. They’re often very successful in continuing to operate in those environments.

What does this mean for mental health? And what does it mean for service members and veterans who identify as queer — as individuals with these intersecting identities are statistically more likely to hold adverse religious experiences?

It means trauma on top of trauma on top of trauma — what we therapists call complex trauma. Unfortunately, the impact of religious trauma for individuals at the intersection of queer identity and military service is often overlooked when determining someone’s mental health and overall wellbeing.

Healing from Religious Trauma

For more singular-focused traumatic experiences, recovery is a very real possibility by sitting with it, grieving, processing, integrating, and moving on.

However, with any type of complex trauma, that’s not sufficient. Impacted individuals must go back and redo the cognitive, emotional, social, and psychological growth that was hindered during those period(s) of trauma.

They have to practice how to critically think for themselves, self-advocate in their lives, and establish their identity outside of organizational or doctrinal labels. This is not an easy or quick process, but with the right support system, access to resources, and motivation, it’s absolutely doable.

What do you do next if you or someone you know is struggling with religious and/or spiritual trauma?

The simple answer is to seek help from a culturally-competent expert who, ideally, has lived experience in the same topic. While there are a few available texts that offer guidance on working through religious trauma, this field is still understudied and underwritten about. Finding therapists and mental health personnel that have lived experience more likely ensures an understanding of the topic and the depth of this work.

The next best thing you can do is to simply find a therapist who specializes or has familiarity with complex trauma and has cultural competency with the LGBTQIA+ community (and perhaps the military space). This type of secular counselor is different from a faith-based or religious therapist who practices specifically from a faith lens. While faith-based therapy has its benefits, that setting doesn’t always feel safe for clients who are exploring their difficult history with religion.

You can look for a therapist who will remain neutral and not attempt to sway you toward or away from religion or spirituality, but rather help you process your specific experiences and how they impact your life today.

As a therapist, my particular approach is often through attachment work, family systems, and person-centered long-term psychotherapy as well as bringing my own lived experience with religious trauma to the therapy space. Through these methods, I’ve found that creating a safe, consistent place and relationship can lead to healing for clients with complex trauma in religion.

Group therapy is another method that can be incredibly effective as you connect with others who are processing similar experiences or in similar life stages. I find that group therapy can accelerate healing in a way that mimics the dynamics of one’s first group — usually their family of origin — and allow them to reparent themselves in a safer, healthier space.

Any of these methods can be effective, as long as you feel safe with the therapist and are consistent with your efforts and work in that space. If you don’t feel comfortable with the first therapist you meet, there is nothing wrong with changing providers. Not every therapist and every prospective client are the right fit. What’s most important is that you find someone you feel safe with and who you can connect with that also values and respects your identities and experiences. This can involve some trial and error, so please don’t give up!

It’s absolutely possible for people to heal from religious trauma, uphold their faith, or remain in a religious setting. For others, healing may come from deconstructing and creating a new worldview that leaves religion behind entirely. These new perspectives may continue to fluctuate throughout a person’s life as they grow and have different experiences. There is no right or wrong ending to one’s religious trauma story. We each get to decide for ourselves where that journey takes us.

Cover photo credit: @benwhitephotography